brightxxeyez's DiaryLand diary

2:21 p.m. - 2009-11-08
1111
Now I know why I never got married on my wedding day because my other two marriages did not last . My sister Lori and her husband John began the first year of their relationship saying " I love you " to each other when ever they saw the time 11:11 . They intended to marry on 1111 but instead married on my first husbands birthday , not because they liked him either , just only the date . Though they never married on 1111 they married at 11:11 Am . They knew how much I also loved these numbers too sense I began seeing them repeatedly sense 1998 , a year after my divorce . The same year I saw my future husband ( Bright Eyes ) in my dream . Sense then Lori and John hoped I'd choose 1111 for my wedding date so that we could all share a bit of this phenom in with them sense they were also drawn to these numbers after they met .

A piece of paper is not valid , I've learned this with my other marriages .
However the heart is .
If love holds true for his heart and mine , love is what seals our marriage . I don't mind if I never marry him legally . Though I do hope we meet and fall in love , and choose 1111 as our wedding date , even if it's not legalized . I say this because having it legalized could hurt us both financially . He would never make enough money to provide insurance for my two kids who are still under 18 . Then again maybe I wont meet him until after Lisa turns 18 .
What ever the case , legal or not I'd like to marry him on 1111 at 11:11 am or pm .

Not to change the subject but I found out I was pregnant after all this month and miscarried it this week .

I can't tell you how far along I was , though far along enough to develop a sac .
I can't even tell you who the Father was because I had sex with more then one partner last month .

I have to go for now

9:35 p.m. - 2009-11-04
Pass It Forward
After making an expensive mistake I had no choice but to sell my van and for less then what I originally asked for . It all began when I went to do my monthly Walmart shopping while on very little sleep .

When I went to pay for all my items with my bank card I carelessly and unknowingly grabbed the wrong Bank card . I grabbed my other bank card that has only a small amount of limited funds . Two days latter when I went to check my balance all I could do was stare in disbelief at my high balance , just with out the positive sign next to it . I carefully went down the transaction list . Everything looked right , accept for all the over draft's with a fee of $ 33.00 next to each one . Under this fee was the Walmart transaction . After my moment of trauma I thought fur sure after I explained my little mistake they'd laugh with me and reverse all the overdraft fee's . I was wrong at least wrong about reversing the overdraft fee's and about the part where they'd be laughing with me , instead they laughed at me but with a " Sorry Mam , if you thought we could reverse them for (your mistake). I put these in parentheses because it's only when it's not my mistake that they can do so or if it had been my first time .

By the end of the day I had taken out two pay day loans and posted my car up for sale all over the internet .

Some things good did happen that day I have to admit . I was expecting to use my Christmas money of a $ 100.00 from my parents to pay for estimate on my drier that was breaking down after only being 3 years old . My diagnosis of my drier was 3 shot small rollers and their bands , each piece costing over $ 20.00 each , not to mention labor charges and hourly charges . I told him upfront that all I had was a $ 100.00 that was my early Christmas present from my parents and that he'd have to come back again when I had more money to repair my drier . The guy smiled , maybe he felt sorry for me because he said he'd wave all other fee's and have my drier running for a 100 dallors .
After three hours of labor he held true to his word and only charged me $ 100 .
I thanked him repeatedly for his generosity . I also got to visit with Heith , Sam and I took the bus back to Boulder with him so we could pick up his dirty laundry to have them washed up for Sunday .

Today the van was sold for less then what I asked for but enough to get us ahead . I felt sense some one gave me and my family a gift ( a break on the drier expense ) that I'd pass forward . So, I took off $ 500.00 from the original amount and told them why . They had the original price all in cash and ready to pay for but before they handed me it I told them to deduct 500.00 out of their cash and why .They smiled with excitement and hugged me for giving them such a great deal .

Tomorrow Judie will take Sam and I to the bus stop so we can still see Heith and get his laundry and meds to him . We'll walk around Pearl Street , and watch all the entertainment .
Monday I get my new car ( it's new to me ) . I can hardly wait to drive it , the seats and back seat isn't called luxury seats for no reason .

8:23 a.m. - 2009-11-05
My Surprise Gift

It was only 5 minutes ago when I had my eyes last open and slowly typing each key . I finished a paragraph and in the process of typing another word .Not a moment latter , not even a second , dead in the tracks I froze . Then my mind followed as everything became a hazy blur . Falling deeper as sleep came over me . Everything in between is a mystery waiting to be unfolded like a book .

Upon waking I felt as I had only drifted off a few moments ago , though mentally I felt as if I slept for a day . I looked in front of me to find that the page I was working on was gone . I noticed to the side of the lap top was a couple of candy wrappers that were not there before .

I'm notorious for sleep walking , talking , eating , keeping conversations alive , and even sexual activities . My ex husband is a witness to this , in th nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme past while I was married to him there were many nights he thought I was awake during sex . Most of the time he knew I was asleep because I'd lay there looking as I was awake but lacking expression or emotion That's because I can sleep with my eyes open as I carry on a conversation .

( an hour latter )

See , that's proof .

I freeze , dead in my tracks as I drift off to sleep . The rest of the typing was done prior to falling asleep . which means I must have went back to correct something in that line and froze asleep at that moment . I think it's funny

I only do this when I feel safe to do it .
I wouldn't do this if I were driving , at least I hope it doesn't happen . I also wouldn't do this if I were holding a baby because I would know I'd drop him or her . I also wouldn't do this if I had something on the stove cooking .

Anyways yesterday I got a phone call that should have made me happy , a few months ago I would have been jumping up and down with excitement because I've waited so long to get it . Upon finding out about my surprise I of course reacted in extreme excitement because I still want it and I very much appreciate getting it . The only thing is I have to give up something I fell in love with and it's tearing me apart . I could keep both but the expenses to do so , are above my financial limits . I still haven't completely decided to give it up just yet . Maybe some how I'll be able to have both .

I'll get on with the story , my parents called me yesterday to inform me they have decided to finally give me what I needed a year ago but now . Their fancy Buick Century with all the cool toys and fun buttons to push , making anywhere from the seats moving to greeting me " Hello , Karen , buckle up " .
of course this will get irritating so I'll turn off this function like my parents do .
It's gonna be mine as of next week and I do need it sense the millage is alot lower then the van's . But I love that van , I even had it checked over and almost everything besides the transmission and engine has been replaced , it's practically new . Tears ran down my face yesterday evening as I thought I'm going to have to sell the van because I can't afford two insurances , two sets of tags , and two different up keeps . Just to maintain one car is hard enough , I can't do two cars . I can't refuse their gift , that would be an insult to them. Not too mention it will last me longer then the van will because of the age and millage .
It's only one year younger then the van but has alot lower millage use on it .

I'll probably end up with the for sale sign in my van as a result . I shouldn't complain , I'm gonna get the fancy car I've been asking for , I just can't believe they are actually giving it to me . My Dad used to laugh when I'd ask and tell me I should work for a comedy night club . They had 4 very nice and expensive cars, trucks but gave their truck to my sister Sheila last year . Now they have two cars left . One is their new candy red apple colored Grand Am and my Dad's toy his Park Avenue .

Lori got their Grand Am a few years back , my Dad said he felt bad so gave in to my request and I get their Buick Century now . He said if I refused it , he would be insulted because he knows how much I love my van and that I may have to sell because of the expenses .

If I sell I'll try for 2,100 , because of all the money I put it to keep it healthy but will go down to 1,100 sense I bought it off the lot for 1,500
. Not that it's only worth this but because the manager was very nice .

After I woke up this morning before I fell back to sleep , I finally started my period . I was only 7 days late .

I knew I'd start ,
even if I had went ahead and had sex last cycle I wouldn't of worried , even if I had a pregnancy test done to have it come out positive I wouldn't worry . Why , because this has happened several times and each time I always miscarry the first month , exception for one that lasted two months . One of my past Doctors told me if I were to choose to have baby , I'd be better off doing a reversal on the healthy tube that has a band ., then to fix my scared tube with the defected band that isn't closing my tube off completely . He informed me how easy it is now to reverse bands and how successful the reversals are and that I'd be pregnant with in three months , and able to carry it to full term .

I better go , it's Thursday and I have to meet my Dad early today .

8:23 a.m. - 2009-11-05
My Surprise Gift

( an hour latter )

See , that's proof .

After I woke up this morning before I fell back to sleep , I finally started my period . I was only 7 days late .

I better go , it's Thursday and I have to meet my Dad early today .

10:48 a.m. - 2009-11-01
-
Now sense Jay ( his fake name )is gone I can tell all . I wouldn't do this to every boy friend of mine and I especially wouldn't publicly bash any of them .

Jay sold almost everything he had
( including his sports car ) to get buy his daughter back from his ex wife, exception to his house .

The plan was to pick him up at 11:00 last night in front of a bar . Because Sam and I went shopping I was 15 minutes late .
He was no where in sight so I parked and checked in a couple of bars .As I searched , one sentence went through my mind . " OH NO HE DIDN'T ! " the more I searched the more angrier I became . Then thoughts of " I'm not pretty enough , I'm fat , and I'm not good enough " began running through my mind until I began to beleive he lost interest even before 11:00 and ditched me before I'd be there to pick him up .

Then I young man asked me if I was going to stay . I softly replied with a " no " . I was shocked at his response when he replied " that's too bad " I looked up at him , he had the look of a wild animal who had just seen it's prey . I felt as if I his snack for the night . I then looked around and realized I was in a room full of young men ( easily 10 years younger then I ) with two other females who were already involved with their own men . It was clear and how I over looked their hungry eyes is a mystery still . I swear I thought they were going to eat me . I was almost afraid because they looked like they wanted to bite me . They even had this crazed look in the glare of their eyes . The intensity between them and I became so strong that I began to bail out of there as fast as I could . But not before another young man stopping me . He stood in my way and then asked me if I was alone . I replied " no , I'm supposed to meet my date here " He replied , " I hope he doesn't show and if he doesn't I'll take his place " followed by a sweet southern style of a smile . I told him I was flattered and that I'd return if he doesn't show . He was a hottie too .

I headed back to the alley where my van was and wrote that bar off as just a fluke . Before I made it to my van two other men came walking out of another bar . We crossed paths , one of them spoke up and said " are you alone tonight " the other one added " my friend was asking for me " then his other friend hit him in the arm as he laughed and said " I was speaking for my self " I then interrupted by saying " do you mean to tell me you both are trying to ask me out "? they replied " yes ! " I replied " why ?" One of them replied " because we like to date " I replied back " I meant , why would you ask me when there are other , younger and prettier girls around " They both looked at each other and laughed and then replied back to me " allow us to take you out to show you how hot you are " They had sex on their minds , I have a feeling they would have given me a night that I'd never forget .
It's true when they say you are your worst credit . I don't need anyone to tell me I have flaws because I always find them and pick at them , then obsess about them until I beleive every thought I have about my self . I never would have known I was anything close to what all these men saw if Jay had never got side tracked by a business deal .

I have to meet him for lunch ,

Before I go I'll say what Jay thinks of my body .

He says my figure is like venus , because it's very feminine .

My Breasts are like pillows , he likes to lay his head on them .
He also likes to suck on them until I leak, then he shy's away with embarrassment .
He says my ass is like a cheer leaders ass , full , tight , cute , round and plump .
He calls my VG his pussy and loves it the best because it has multiple pleasures . He said he never thought of a pussy could look beautiful until he stared at mine . He said my lips are plump , lush , and ivory colored . The inner part reminds him of a pink rose . He also said he's never been with a women who had as much discharge as I did . He said this part drives him crazy . He can't decide what he likes best with me , when it comes to fucking me or giving me oral sex . He said the more practice the sooner he will know .

I think he likes giving me oral sex the best . Most men that I've done like sex better the oral sex although it comes to a close tie .

I'll write back latter

And ofcourse I don't think anyone is reading this . No one actually sits and reads other peoples journals . Maybe randomly , if anything

5:29 a.m. - 2009-11-01
-
Yesterday I got a phone call from the band member . Ok, so he's not the lead singer but the drummer . They've been on MTV several times and he personally knows Madonna , ACDC, and is meeting with U2 soon . I went ahead and met with him last night and I was bad , very bad . Right before I met with him I thought I had started . I had blood in my panties and for the next two hours felt a sense of releaf . I almost had to cancel our date for last night because I figured I'd spare us both the bloody horror show sense I'm so late . Then I remembered I cut myself shaving yesterday evening , which explains why I was bleeding mildly . Within two and a half hours I couldn't even see a trace of blood left . Even after how bad I was I figured it would bring on my late pending period but still nothing . I of course refrained from telling my Drummer Boi Toy that I missed this period or that I'm this late . He has no clue , and that's the way I want it . Anyways according to my ex husband's dream I don't know who the Father is and go searching for him in the dream . I asked him if he remembers if I ever found him . He told me I eventually found him but wouldn't reveal his name and woke up before the dream went any further .

I've put on 5 pounds and not for the reasons of being knocked up anyways how could a dot like this; ( , ) eat ice cream twice a day , fries every other , and corn dogs . Basically I've been feeding my ass and it's showing . I already have a full plump bubble butt , and now I just added to it . My Drummer boy friend told me tonight that my body is a turn on . I told him I didn't beleive him but thanked him for trying to make me feel better. He then showed me his hard on through his pants and said just looking as me turns him on . That made me feel a lot better because a guy can't fake a hard on .

He locked him self out of his house that is located in Prospect . This location is the yuppiest and most stuck up in our town , all the rich assholes live there . Then again my Drummer boy friend is nothing like them . I agreed to be his girlfriend until he leaves . He's buying a house in Las Vegas soon and will live there and here . He's also leaving for 6 months before Christmas to tour the states and outside of the country .

Because he locked him self out , he's now asleep on my couch while I'm typing this . I better go before he wakes ******************************* Hours latter A couple of hours ago I got a phone call from Judie ( Grandmother of my kids ) insisting that I meet her and Lisa up at Urgent Care because of Lisa's asthma . Judie informed me on how she had a long night because of this . I wasn't going to say anything because I had already scolded Lisa and was still dealing with her . I shared with Judie what my oldest daughter Sam shared with me . Lisa made Sam promise her not to tell on her but Sam told on her anyways , not because she can't keep her word but because she was concerned . Apparently Lisa wanted to miss school today and thought of ways to make her self sick . She then got the idea to set her asthma off , any ways she could . Sam caught her lighting up a half of a cigarette she found . Sam yelled at Lisa as she puffed away , hacking and coughing . Lisa snapped back , then bragged how clever she was to find a way to set her asthma off so she could miss school . Lisa then gloated about all the attention she would get from her class mates and nurses while she gets to stay in the hospital for a week . She told Sam what kind of present she wants from her and what kind of present to tell Mom to buy her . She wanted me to buy her a life size stuffed dog . She had it all planed out , that is until I told Judie about her motives behind her asthma . Judie corrected me by telling me that Lisa's asthma was due to a virus. " what ever " I was in nursing school for a while back in and I know how viruses work , then again Judie is always right . I shouldn't be mean but she gets on my nerves sometimes . No matter how devious Lisa was , as long as she's having difficulty in breathing from asthma she needed medical treatment ASAP. I met them at Urgent Care shortly after her phone call and she was seen immediately . To our amazement Lisa's air supply was better then average and no sign of asthma could be found by the Doctor , even after she looked for signs several times . The Doctor's diagnoses for Lisa was " A Model For Excellent Health " . I thanked the Doctor for her time and wanted to thank her for proving Judie wrong . As we walked out Lisa was then scolded by Judie for irritating and setting off her asthma .

9:18 a.m. - 2009-10-31
Extra X- Rated
This morning I rushed around trying to find the nearest pad to stick on after feeling a gush of fluid gushing out of my VG . Usually they are laying around in both bathrooms , in my bedroom and in my purse . When I finally found one I went to stick it on inside my lining of my panties or in my case almost G String sense I wear them so often .

When I looked down what I saw was a horrific sight . As for my past Boi Toy's they would have gone crazy over the sight . What I thought was a puddle of blood in my panties was instead a puddle of white VG discharge . Of course if any of my Boi Toy's knew that extra discharge in replace of a period is one of the first side effects of a pregnancy and if they were unsure if they were Sperm Donors then they too would be just as horrified , unless they want a baby .

I can't be pregnant , the only time I had sex this cycle was on my period and that doesn't count , at least not in my case because it's never happened before . As for my sister Lori , she was conceived during my Mothers period . It actually took my Mother 9 1/2 months to be fully convinced that she became pregnant during her period .

The rock member called me last night , I hesitated in answering the phone at first , eventually I talked to him . Of course I didn't tell him I'm late or almost completely missed my period . The fact is I don't know whats going on and even if I am , I don't know why the
Father is sense I had sex with more then one guy in a week . But no more then two different men could be the Father , at least I know this . I already told my ex that I missed my period . He responded " so , my dream was right " and laughed his ass off at me . He had a dream that I got pregnant and was unsure who the Father was .
If I am and if it takes he hopes the child is his so that he can be a father for the first time . He doesn't care how many multiple choices there are of fathers , he thinks I'm funny for being so careless . This is why we can remain as friends and still have casual sex because were not in love with each and never have been , though we need each other . Were great friends together , but become terrible lovers when trying to be a couple .

Any other explanation to how I became pregnant ( if I am )

Would be ;

(a) I was unknowningly impregnated by aliens .
Why they would target me , only for a good laugh because I'm so gullible with the tabloids .
While other women thought someone slipped a date rape type of drug into their drink and unconsciously was raped .I first assume I was raped by a alien before I'd assume it was a man. I don't know any men who have ever raped before and I don't know any men who would want to rape me . So a alien would be easier to beleive sense , naturally I'd resist them , unless they touched me gently to show they pose no threat , and if their things were just like humane male's dicks . If they felt the same , I'd probably like it . Anyways you can't rape the willing , nothing is more thrilling then a mysterious male holding me down while having his way with me , especially if done passionately .
Of course unless it's some psycho who's out for my harm while raping me .
Why would I enjoy being raped by someone who hated women and was out to murder me .

I can't help but get a thrill to imagine being raped by a man who wants me so much that he can't work up the courage to ask me out , even for something so basic as asking me out to having coffee . Knowing what kind of intense reaction I can give him when he fantasizes about me .
Knowing what how far he will go to experience having sex with me . Too timid to ask for this or too embarrassed because he's only seen me with my clothes on and too imagine them off gives makes him ejaculate . To imagine I could excite him so much that he'd ejaculate in his pants without actually having to physically touch me . Why because I'm his ultimate turn on , I can arouse him even when he's busy at work and with one change of thought of me , he's becoming aroused in places he shouldn't .

Of course I'd have to already have bathed with my bath collection of either ; Rose water, Halo from Victoria secrets , Lavender or milk and honey . My make up on and my hair done , and in clothing designed to tempt and tease . Underneath I'd be wearing my white lace push up bra with a bell that rings between the cups and my matching white laced hip hugger panty set ( it's actually a bridal design set , they are the sexiest of all )
The choice of perfume would be the same choices of my bath collection sense I have them in both .
Last but not least , red lipstick , I love wearing red lip stick .
Some how he'd find the right moment when no one is watching at night time to grab me , hold me down , if any words spoken he'd sound demanding as he ordered me to comply , while ripping my clothes off or partially off , pulling his thing out of his pants as he shoves his thing up me , while doing all this without harming me .
Next having to pull out immediately to avoid exploding his load in me too early . I slide myself over his thing and tease it , by now he knows you can't rape the willing .
What was once one of his biggest fears of him self all at once would be forgotten .
By the time I was done with him I'd have him forgetting he ever started out raping me .
I wont have much patents waiting for him to loose his urge to ejaculate before I gently with one hand , grab his dick , caress it softly though it's hard as a rock and place it back into position , as I slowly with a tease thrush down, as his dick slides in and up . A couple more times of my VG squeezing his poor dick tightly and with much natural lubrication he would be exploding his load inside me .
After he pulled out I'd ask him to do it again .

Where was I
, B
The cases my friend told me about a few years ago had truth to them .
These were cases of stories that some women over the years have claimed they had telepathy and some how crossed paths with a man who also had telepathy . With out blame or fault somehow sperm was transported without physical touch . Not knowing when , where , why or how it happened between the sexes , somehow a connection was made , resulting in a love child .
If I had been one of those women I'd be trying my best to find out who the Father is and once I did I'd make sure he was alone for at least a couple of hours and with no plans for the night . Then after knowing he had no plans and no unwanted interruptions for a couple of hours , maybe even longer . If un happily married or unhappily involved for the most part I'd be begging him to have a one night stand with me and most of all hiding my unborn baby's Father's identity . Although I'd be carrying his baby I wouldn't tell him he was the Father . If he asked where the baby's Daddy is , I'll say I don't know or it was a one night stand . Then some how I'd convince him to have a one night stand with me by saying " please , I can't explain why I need you to have sex with me , all I can say is that I absolutely need it from you and I promise never to use it against you . I only ask that you have sex with me and I'll walk away . " If this didn't work I'd say " I'll do almost anything to get you to fuck me , because my mental sanity depends on it . I'll go insane if you don't fuck me " If this didn't work I'd began removing my clothes and if I have to lay back and spread my legs . That would get the job done , it's a guy fact .
I'd then have a sound peaceful mind knowing not all contact with my unborn baby's Daddy was completely freakish and a episode from the Twilight zone . Knowing at least one experience was normal would have saved me from going insane .

(C )
I forgot I had sex during this cycle
,,, it could happen ,
I'm really a blond

Speaking of blond hair , I missed a line of roots when I recently colored them , leaving it to look like a skunk line . To avoid an allergic reaction , I can't recolor for another 3 weeks . I'll have to part my hair differently and bret it in another place . ****************************** About an hour latter , I just remembered something . I have one more reason why my VG ( kitty ) drove my Boi Toy's crazy and why mine still drives men crazy . Men hate harry bushes but love it when their girl friends or wives shave their VG ( kitty's ) bald . In my case , I do

9:47 p.m. - 2009-11-02
Moments Latter
I lied , the band mamber was all over me . I can't explain why I resisted , it was as if I wasn't my self . I'm usually very sexual and to simply put easy . It wasn't him , he did nothing wrong and he is attractive . The more I resisted the more agressive he became . I'm surprised he didn't just take me then and there because he's much more stronger and was very determined . Eventually he got off me and left upset . That only fueled the fire though . The more I resisted the more obsessed he became , he actually called me more then 10 times in a two day period . I only actually spoke to him 5 times out of 10 , the rest of the calls I had to ignore .

He's attractive , well known , and in a popular band . Most girls become obsessed with him , and never say no to him . Maybe it bothered him so much that I was not like them that be became like them but with me .
Not too mention men love my VG and butt . It's like they go crazy over those parts . I have one hand on my ass while his other hand is pulling out his thing from his pants.

While all the men I've slept with did this I have my hands all over their shoulders and arms . I love muscle so naturally, those parts are the best besides their tight asses and boy toys .

Actually they don't really go crazy until they slide it in , I can't say what they repeat because that would make my entres XX Rated . All I'll say is my VG and how it feels , functions and looks is what men fantasize about . I've been told alot that mine is the best . I beleive them because action shows it to be true . My partners always come with in seconds unless they force them selves to pull out to hold back . To only explode in me the next time they attempt to thrush them selves inside me .

Other then my natural gifts that my VG has , the rest is by experiance . I know what men like , and I become their desire or atleast try to . So far I've had no complaints , and they always come back for more .
By now I've backed off because they can not love me when I've given them what they want the first time . Therefore I always end the relationship unless it's just casual sex . I haven't met a guy I haven;t actually screwed and dated them without sex being the priority .
I blame most of this on myself because I love dicks , and I love how they make me feel . My VG loves them the most and prooves it every time . Maybe to sum all this up , maybe I'm too easy or maybe I'm a slut .

I don't care if I'm easy , I can't help it .

I love the way a dick makes me feel .

8:24 p.m. - 2009-11-02
.........., Continued
I was too tired to update my journal last night so I'm doing updating it tonight . I must have done something to my laptop just now because my desk top some how has disapeared , leaving nothing but a erea of nothingness . I'll have to trouble shoot it latter , it looks like it could take a while .
Anyways Lisa and I drove the van up to Boulder yesterday for a 3 hour pass with Heith . I had a feeling we should be taking the bus most of the time , and this was my 3rd time driving my van up to Boulder this week . Now my van is out of alignment , another pending exspense .

As for our time spent with Heith in Boulder , we had alot of fun walking up and down Pearl Street . I baught them both lunch and hot chocolate . I see Heith everyday sense I pick him up after school and take him to his community service.

Heith now has all B's in every class accpet for PE , he has a A for that class . I exspected this sense he was Athlete of the year in his 5th grade year and pretty much out did everyone in every sport I put him in . None were challenging enough and ended with him beating some poor kid up during preactice or even a game . Then he got involved in pot and became too lazy to even attend PE anymore .

This morning I took a pregnacy test that I had left over from a kit that came with two a few months ago when I was pregnant the first time .
The results this morning were also positive . Which means I must have knocked my self up , cause there's no Daddy . Poor kid

I'm only kidding , as if I'd really take a test when I havent had sex during this cycle . Then again it was during the last period I had that I had sex , and not just once with one guy but twice with two different guys , one day apart from each other . My ex, and the band member .
I've never gotton pregnant on my period , and I'm still not worried .
I'll start one of these next few hours , or day , maybe even two .

Anyways regardless to if I completly miss this one , I can't get pregnant on my period so therefore I'm not pregnant .
But just very late because of some fluke . Flukes happen often with me or should I say the unexsplained , nothing really ever shocks me anymore , I'm basically shock proof now .

I'm about ready to watch a movie so I'm gonna get goin'

Why is it that I can be such a slut in one week and then be a goodie , goodie but a sunful tease for a whole month . I went out on a couple of dates with the band . On those dates I teased and flirted . Though I came close to giving in , I resisted . I'm not mean if I had thought I went too far into tempting him I would have put out but he wasn't to the point of climbing over me so I contiued resisting until we said good bye . Or maybe it's because knowing he was leaving for tour soon for many months scared me . I didn't want to fall for him and the more sex the more closer we would become . As for my ex , I'll never go back to him again . Were friends who have casual sex some once in a while .

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