9:35 p.m. - 2012-01-25
\" Maybe , It's A Sign \"

glitter-graphics.com
I'm so excited , maybe what I saw was a sign , I believe in them .
I believe in the good ones at least , after all God calls us to have faith and faith I have .
Just now I went out to check the mail like I do often . I checked it yesterday therefore I know today was the day these packages . Right as soon as I first held the packages a bright shooting star shot across the sky ,( now is that a sign or what ! ) I'm certain it means that my business is going to be a huge success because these packages were among some of my supplies that I use in my cream .
Today is a strange day , I haven't seen a shooting star in over a year , maybe even two years .
And of course I made a wish , I made three because who says I can only make one when shooting stars aren't very common for me to see though others see them more . But , when I do see them , I know it's something of significant ( a sign ) .

My business picks up in waves at different times , my sister said to give it a good year before I start seeing much profit I'm beginning to think this is true. I make money from it but the ingredients , the creams , the jars , shipping supplies , the two stores and more has costed me so much money that I pay out of the pocket money to keep it running though I sell a lot ( I keep every receipt , a tip from my sister and brother in law ) . I've been running my business for about a year now but really didn't sell to much until I sat and thought what is it that people want ? I've already given them a anti aging remedy but they buy from the stores and everyone else but me . Then I noticed the stores do not carry breast enhancement creams ( yeah , I was searching to enhance my self a couple of years ago , thanks to Mr. Hotty ! I owe him for that cause now I make them myself . I thought maybe if I enhanced my self I'd get his attention too , cause my neighbor got his attention . Oh ., I saw him today , I rarely ever see him , at first I didn't even recognize him at all . Then I noticed his eyes and how light they were then I recognized his eyes thought I thought his eyes were brown and they were grayish blue or hazel blue . As soon as I recognized him I wanted to turn around to avoid him were still on unsettled ground though keeping our distance is best . Not because I can't get along with him , it's because I'd rather not start any drama with the girls here . I best just move out if he and I began talking , it's that bad , I'm totally serious . Some of these girls can do a lot of harm and they will do it just because they feel like I'm in there way .
I'm not upset I can never be with him like I am in my dreams , it's no different then Rolf and I .
Actually it''s sort of a safe zone for me because I hate dating , I absolutely hate it .
When I'm ready to settle down with someone , I'm thinking he may have to be Catholic , I don't want to use my religion like this but what other type of man would marry someone they barely even know and Catholic guys do this . I don't want to date to find a good husband . I was like this even in my twenties , I dated soo much and thank fully I had babysitters lined up on Friday nights along with my kids going to their grandparents house it helped my availability . But out of all the men I dated , I never clicked with them . It was always with the guys who I didn't date that I clicked with , they were either married or seriously committed so I never pushed and walked away . Maybe this online dating thing is just right for me then , it can give me a chance to know them before we meet and so many couples have told me they met online and are now happily married after even three years of marriage . I will try harder at the game of love though I have no clue on how to win it . I do know how to be a great wife it's just getting the husband or even finding him that's the hard part . It's not that I can't get any one it's that they are way too young for me , 18 years old ! There is no way I'm going to even consider dating a kid . I want a man and someone older then me because guys can be really immature and the older they get the better they get . Not that I want someone 20 years older but maybe 4 or 5 , exception for Rolf I'd always want him and I'm not sure how old my neighbor is , he looks as if he's in his early 40's . But I know this wouldn't be because my ex husbands brother went to school with him and he's older then both of us , much older .

I watched “Leap Year “ today for the 10th time ! I love that movie . It's leap year this year too ! Not that I will be traveling to Ireland to propose to any guy for marriage . The movie is a cute movie , my son even likes it ! It's about this Irish girl who waits and waits for her boyfriend to propose and he never does . By tradition there's a place in Ireland where a female can propose to her boyfriend on one day out of every four years and he magically says yes to her proposal and marries her and they're supposed to live happily ever after by doing this . She thinks it's a bunch of crap though her Grandmother did this because her Grandfather would never make the leap so she waited until the next leap year and arranged for him to meet her there . A lot can halt such a date , to ask your boyfriend to take a trip to Ireland to hope nothing would come up it just means he already loves her if he goes .
Anyways her boyfriend has a meeting up near Dublin where this place is , so she flies out to Ireland to meet him there but first she has to arrange it with him . On her way to Dublin certain situations come up to halt her meeting with him though he had already agreed to meet her in Dublin while out near where his medical meeting is .
She thinks he's the one because no one else has been that close to her so naturally she tries hard to win him over instead of being patent .
On her journey she meets an Irish man who's also the owner of this runned down motel , grill , that he's also in dept with , he;s the local towns cab driver too . This town is several hours away from Dublin though she doesn't know it and thinks it could be a days drive .
Before she makes it to Dublin she and this guy are clash and fight almost the whole way there . Until they are forced to kiss and with one kiss but a magical kiss they secretly fall in love with each other but refuse to tell each other .
Her boyfriend is a cardiologist who makes tons of money and she realizes they don't love each other though he proposes to her but just to get the place he wanted and they required a couple to be married to rent such a place . She was going to marry him because no one else asked her she she liked and because of the financial security . In the end she chose love over money , she chose right and won the guy from Ireland .

I love that show !

My daughter Lisa is on Honor Role !!! I'm so proud of her ! I'm treating her next month out some where for this . We have a drier to replace and car window issues , dental work …....ect .

My son is doing awesome as well in Adult Ed .

Sam will be doing online courses as soon as she's ready

My mother just retired , so now both my parents are retired and living in Arizona in their condo and but living here most of the time . They have fixed income now but literary saved everything they had to buy both homes and worked endless hours for them and now they get to enjoy them . I'm truly happy for them !
There in Arizona right now for another two weeks .

Last night I had a dream that I was holding a Oriental decorative doll that looked as if she was of royalty and I remember knowing she represented me . I was showing someone or many this , they seemed very interested and I don't know why . But they wanted confirmation and felt that it was enough and said I was she . I'm kind of freaked out about this .
I hope it doesn't mean I'll die or something cause I'm not a royal Oriental princess and if Billy Jean was right that I used to be cause she glowed . What if it means I move on to another life cause nothing happened , I was supposed to marry that was my instructions and to have a happy long marriage . What if I'm too late .
Sometimes I fear sleeping , I fear I'll die in my sleep .
Last night I awoke choking and couldn't breath . I woke up gasping for air , my daughter saw . Then I fell back to sleep and had the dream of the Oriental Royalty doll .
See , it's freaky , and if it ain't to you it's cause it didn't happen to you , none of this . But if you knew what I knew you'd be little worried , enough to go get hitched right now or soon !!!!!!!
I know I must have faith that everything will work out and I can be single and still live , right .
I assume it means death because Billy Jean did not say I had an alternative and that marriage and a happy ending is what will be with no other paths . Though in marriage we could do what we want , I wont give him ultimatums or even expect to live with him at first . I like living on my own though I don't like being alone at night , that would be difficult if he wants his separate time every night . So, if that's the case I couldn't marry a guy who wants his nights free every night , especially at night because then I'd probably be marrying a no good cheater . If he cheated once , I could forgive him , twice and even three times but after that it would tell me he doesn't want the marriage to work at all . If her cheats , I don't plan on cheating but if a great guy comes along maybe I will , not for pay back either .

Maybe Billy Jean just couldn't see another paths , but could now .
She did say I'd be married to someone who'd fall in love with me as I fall in love with him also and that our marriage would be a happy one . But I married Josh because no other guys were asking me , they only wanted a cute girl for a good time , I was 29 and 30 . I truly looked and no one was around , what went wrong . Then I went crazy and married Josh , but he did help me , he helped my mind become stronger . Back then I was unable to be a good wife , I feared everything .

Why must we die , why can't we live . Maybe God can stop death , I hate death , death is what helped drive me into a state of insanity . I wanted life to live longer but all I could do was draw pictures in the hospital of a large dead oak tree that used to have beautiful life to it but I knew it could live , I just didn't know how to save it so I'd draw it , over and over . The psychiatrist at the hospital fought to get me well and told me to draw the tree strong , beautiful and lively again but I couldn't . I told her I'd try . This was in 2005 , I was hospitalized twice that year . Josh took care of Heith and Sam while Lisa stayed with her grandparents.
I meet many in the hospitals , I even met a doctor , he was a patent with us . He said the smarter you are the easier it is to get off track . I told him I hoped he'd get back on track soon , he laughed about that . I also met a beautiful Soviet model , she was one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen ! I even wanted to ask her how she became so beautiful but I didn't , though I did complement her , she gave me many of her clothes and told me her family is rich and she could get more , she was right they were rich . She drove a sports car that only someone with a lot of money could drive . I became best friends with her there she shared with me a life style that was full of excitement . She had so many stories of the Soviet Union to tell and she was very kind , she always gave me gifts and gave gifts to anyone who asked . She said she came their a lot , this was a branch from a hospital it's called Cedar or Cedars .
The Psychiatrists told me the possibility of just anyone going to Cedar is very difficult to get into and both times I got in because there was no waiting list at the time . They had funds that were available at the time and no waiting list for this either , I was very lucky to go to Cedars and I met incredible people there , I'll never forget them . This place was near the mountains , a beautiful place to heal .

It's that I have to be married no other option .

And she glows !!!!! She said it was the message of truth glowing .
I'm sure she has been wrong about others but she's the only one I remember that has glowed that brightly , like the show “ Touched By An angle “

glitter-graphics.com

11:47 p.m. - 2012-01-22
Expanding
I've got exciting NEWS ! I guess if you get excited for others , you maybe excited for me .

*******
Here it is ,
per request of one of my newest regular customers I'm expanding two of my breast enhancement creams to a breasts enlargement system kit . Which now will include in pill form with the creams that's optional . This customer said they would wait for me because they will only buy from me .
I'm glad I've given out free creams , it's helped make happy future customers.

I said I'd get back with them before I go ahead and add it to my creams . I need to know everything about it in pill form for safety reasons .

This is why I haven't invested in selling male p enhancers ,
( you get it ). I'm not fully convinced the herbs are safe enough for them . They will not be able to offer me enough money to sell something that's dangerous , no matter how many sellers sell it and many do , even though there are what if's cause I've researched it .
Until I find a herb thats safe enough to comfortably warn them of possible side effects that can effect something so serious as the heart , I will not sell it until they've cleared them selves with a doctor and note , unless there willing to wave all rights of responsibility in my part knowing they maybe taking a risk .

I will do more research for males so they can have something to enhance too . When I find it , I know for a fact men will buy it because having that part of their body enhanceable larger means almost everything to them .

Sorry boys , not at the cost of your health . At least not with me until I feel I've researched enough .

To my wonderful customer who's loyalty means a lot to me , I'll send them a great discount for the pills though my fiances are at it's tightest right now , then again what's new .

4:50 p.m. - 2012-01-22
The Fountains Of Youth SCC

Here's my Ebay store

http://stores.ebay.com/the-fountains-of-youth-collections?_trksid=p4340.l2563

And , here is my website

thefountainsofyouth.net

. You don't have to buy anything ,but if you'd like I can send a free sample for the original advertizment size ! Sometimes I can do free shipping , for International you'd have to send me a prepaid postage . Tell me that you saw this from Diaryland , so I know , cause that means you'd be SPECIAL !And, this goes for all my store products !!! ( I have more !! )

Here's my new replacement labels for the Advanced Anti aging & Rejuvenating Men's Body Lotion with Strong Male Pheromones .

5:27 p.m. - 2012-01-21
\" Open For Buisness \"
Business is slowing down , many buyers seem to buy in groups it's a strange phenomenon or maybe pay day .
And the buyers who requested refunds due to;.... one of them wanting a store bought cream ,.........
one of them wanting a derma wand with their skin care kit , ...........and the other because they wanted more cream .
These are all products I created on my own or at least created and mixed with imported formulas to make them what they are .

My refunders all lied and never returned my products , I even paid for preshipping to get them back .
I even paid for pre shipping .

I guess this means either they;... forgot ,..... wanted a free product or ......love the product after all .

When they all first complained I told them I'd kindly put them on my Blocked Buyers List , once the product had been returned to me .
Not because they were given refunds but because they complained and requested refunds .

Why would I want to do business with someone who doesn't want my business .

I'm not going to report them they can have my products for free along with the shipping money

I'm getting positive feedback only after a few days of use with the breast enlargement creams , even with the male users! ..... They cost a fortune to make and made with much effort and high quality . I'm excited they are working so well !!!

*****
I have updated labels they'll posted here soon .

4:46 p.m. - 2012-01-21
To ; Mike
I don't like addressing a passing or when someone crosses over to the other side . I like many don't understand the unknown therefore talking about it can be depressing and even fearful .
We can say we will go to heaven but we aren't there yet and it's the unknown because we don't know .
What I can say is , I honestly hope everyone gets to go to heaven to live there .

Recently an acquaintance and friend , ( he and made friends easily with others ). I didn't know him very well like a few on my block did but what I did know of him was that he's a sweetheart . My hope is that he now or shortly will live in paradise with eternal happiness and love with Our Creator .
His name is Mike , he used to do maintenance in our apartments along with his Dad . He recently moved with his career for reasons of his own but he did awesome work here .
He was very young , in his mid thirties so far the cause of his passing is unknown and in his sleep .

My neighbor ( female friend ) gave me his mirror a couple of weeks ago . I fixed the frame two weeks ago and have it in our stair way . The back of the frame had been broken , she found it by the trash and asked him if she could fix it up . He was happy about that the mirror would go to a friend and that it would be fixed up . It's beautiful , it has painted flowers on a wooden frame that framed the mirror . My friend gave me the mirror as a gift in return for all the help I've helped her with . She asked if I wouldn't mind fixing the frame instead of her and so I did .

This item if the only thing I have of his , she also had items of his to remember him by .

Mike you are remembered by many and by my self and family . Our hopes go with you on your journey and that heaven is your destination if not now , very soon .
See ya , and never say bye

glitter-graphics.com

glitter-graphics.com

3:20 a.m. - 2012-01-17
August 2000
We may not be able to rewind time but as for me I'm gonna try .

After everything I've already written Rolf , if I could go back I'd play him this song somehow .

Sure he would act as if I meant nothing to him but witnesses said otherwise , not to mention I was one of the witnesses out of a few .

Instead of denying my feelings I'd express them , even if everything he said was a lie .

Maybe because you shouldn't say things you don't really mean .

Anyways here we go ....................back to the year 2000

August of 2000

This song obviously wouldn't be the one and only words I'd choose to tell him .
Infact there are no words

I'd tell him there are no words to describe everything I've ever felt for you

If things went smoothly he'd ask me to explain

I'd begin with what I just said " you shouldn't say things you don't really mean " and add to this
" without expecting no response in return " .

I'd then tell him " maybe , in a few more months I too will say three words that I wont mean "
But you wont believe me anyways because it wont bother you enough to respond .
And if I do say those words only believe me if the only change in the wording is love .

He'd probably walk away at this point and do his best to avoid me .

That would probably be best , because of the fact that he was married .

But I am no angel and I can't say I have to let him go . In my physical life I'd let him go but never in my heart .

If he was still standing there , I'd have to tell him how I truly feel and by what I know is the truth .

He will probably think I was crazy but that would be nothing new as he may find out in the near future .

I already laid all my cards down with him , not once ,not twice , nor three times but repeatedly

In all my cards there lye's the fool

I'd tell him I will love you enough in the future to play the part of the fool over and over again if I had to .
Not because I will enjoy it but because you don't understand me or you've misunderstood
It will be important enough to make sure I don't leave you in confusion or wondering , not to correct the part of the fool I may play
only to clarify something that's almost impossible to solve when I'm the only one trying to explain things and doing about it in total blindness .
No one will instruct me on what to say to you and any information about you will be basically though dreams unless accidentally heard .
I do not want to pry into your personal life and will not because love does not have to pry .
You will either love me back , try , or love me not . There is not wrong or right answer , if you are happy were your at then stay .
If I know you are happy with you were are with , that will be the key to letting you go and to fall out of love but in a loving way .
Without jealously , grudges , sadness I promise I will let you go if I knew this .
But if you aren't happy , or mistreated and not happy , how then can I let you go ?
If I could pry to only find out that whom ever your with makes you happy , I would do this .
Not for you , I wont bother you and if I do bother you in the future , you may think you know me and what my next move will be
I assure you I will keep you guessing and most likely you will misjudge me but that wont be your fault .

I doubt he'd still be listening but if he was then I'd tell him I wish I could tell you in words how I feel but if I did , it will be misunderstood because most likely he's among the many who does not believe in love at first sight , neither do I .

I'd have to risk playing the fool again and tell him again I will play the fool for you and loose all over again as I do every time .

I'd have to explain why I am in love with him though yesterday he heard again how much I crush over Randy .

Then I'd have to tell him I don't fall easily but when I do I fall hard . It took time to fall in love with you and it will take time to fall out of love
if that's what you want . I will fall out of love with you even if I'm in love with two men at the same time .
I may have to love you secretly while I try to give my self , allowing my self to love someone else because they deserve my whole heart .
I will give my whole heart and love you too at the same time though in secrecy . Only if I knew you were already happy and happily married because then I'd be free

He wouldn't understand a word I said and I'd loose him all over again .

Trying to win a guy over is impossible when they think your crazy , foolish , lying , playing them , using them or someone who falls easily with anyone .

I've had all the odds against me and accepted each time I lost you all over again ,
I can't even go back in time to make it right , I play the same cards over and over with you when it comes to expressing how I feel .

I don't expect to win you now , in fact I've accepted a long time ago I had already lost you .
But when you love someone sometimes you have to tell them the truth to move on though I'm not letting you go unless it's truly what you wish .
Remember be careful on what you wish for

If you truly wish for me to let you go , I will

But what if something I said had some truth to it , because if there is some truth to it , then why
Why would I fall in love with you
And , many things I didn't share with you and all the things I don;t even understand myself but understand that I am capable of falling in love with you over and over again

And what if your wrong

What if for any reason at all , or for no reason at all , you fall deeply in love with me

Would you even tell me ? Or would you allow me to move on while loving you back in secrecy ?

Cause that would really suck

If by now he asks me what I want from him
I'd tell him I only want from him what he wants to give , what ever that maybe .

What I need from him is to try to see past me if I should act different ; colder , ruder , distant , unfriendly , and unkind to him .
Not only would I need this but I'd need for him not to leave like he did and to give me time . To tell me he was leaving even though I may not deserve knowing .

If I had one moment to tell him words that seem so impossible to explain , words that I feared ( loosing him again ) , words that I wouldn't understand back then .

But life is not like this , I'd have to write to him personally again to tell him these words and I wont intrude on him again as I did several years ago .
I said what I needed to say , I tried other times but I had not fallen inlove with him until the dreams came .
The summer of 2005 or 2006 is the last time I wrote to him personally .
I said I loved him and that this would be the last letter because it's what I needed to say .
I haven't written him since then , maybe from time to time he still remembers me but not the way I'd hope for
He probably remembers that one of his employees fell off their rocker , then got freakier and wrote letters to him , and she got freakier .

I'm probably the crazy story he tells about , everyone has the I can out do your story
I'm probably his
Just as I said I played the card of the fool for him , I entertain his story time so he can win the best crazy story to many plots .
A crazy employee , a crazy girl who went crazy over him , ....ect

I left it as that , I knew there would be no chance that I could win him over if his marriage ended in a separation .

That is when I moved on but never fell out of love with him , unless I knew for a fact he was happily married .

I still love him

But I can love again and I've been ready to love again for a long while now .

Rolf is easy to love , he has a lot of good qualities to him ( especially good husband qualities when he's in a happy , strong marriage ),
I don't know why he'd feel that falling inlove with him is so strange or unbelievable .
He's also very huggable like a big teddy bear !
I said I didn't kiss him in my dreams but I must have because we kissed when I married him . The dream flashed into the next scene so fast that I didn't have time to examine how I felt .
We were happy just as happy as I was married to my other dream guy but stranger in real life ( we never talk ) .

Rolf doesn't talk to me either , they are both strangers to me .Silence is my reality with them .

It would be nice to have someone love me back or at least have someone tell me they love me back

Dreams may have some power > ( I'm inlove with Rolf and capable of falling in love with my neighbor )but they aren't my reality

Hopefully , Maybe my dream man number three will choose me , because Rolf hasn't nor did my neighbor .
If not , I don't have to have a dream about them to accept them back .

Dreams have meaning but reality means more

Who ever he is , I will give him my whole heart. It will be good to have him love me back in reality , I think I could fall easily inlove with that and him .

10:10 p.m. - 2012-01-15
Kilroy was here

Maybe he's responsible for the heater going out in my drier !

11:44 p.m. - 2012-01-14
Total Eclipse ?
There's a image of a total eclipse in my picture ? I didn't think it was that noticeable until now . Anyways maybe I'll fix it latter , maybe . I tired before but nothing fits over it just right . I guess it's kind of cool having a total eclipse moon and full moon in my picture.
I love the moon and stars , they are the gems that complement the skies .
I bet you couldn't guess this is me ************** I changed my eyes and applied lipstick and transferred the head band to mine . The weird thing is that it fit me, this made the multimedia easier for me .

11:34 p.m. - 2012-01-14
The Meaning Of A Promise Ring
To I had today fallen asleep for a short while and had another strong dream ,while working on my multimedia for my new collection for Men
( so far only two products ). I'm alternating products on listings to keep my business small . I'm not ready to go full force , I want to spend time on it like it's full force but concentrate on quality and effectiveness .
I was not alone and had a male visitor . He hides his identity sometimes as he did today .

When he conceals his identity I wouldn't recognize him past from being a mystery man .
But , when he touches it's as if I have known him for a while now and I feel comfortable around him

I can't say this man is because he does not show his identity nor did " Bright Eyes " . If he the same man and if I could go on foresight , I'd say it was between Rolf or my neighbor because they all three feel the same .

Maybe it has nothing to do with them but something to do with me ?

I don't know how else to explain why they've shown up in my dreams . They don't even know I dream about them , they don't even dream about me .

Maybe there's something I'm to learn about them , but what ?

Theres something else that is standing out besides feeling as if I know someone when I don't as I said in my dreams .

For two years I've had a fortune cookie sometimes after a meal up until now I've not received very little do do with love and romance , VERY LITTLE.

In fact I was beginning to worry that those fortune cookies were saying the truth . Strangely I've not received much fortunes about sticking it wealthy rich but futures of money .

It was as if they were down to earth fortunes and everyone but me was getting the love fortunes , until recently . Now I'm getting romance , thrills , and everything about love , left and right , along with money fortunes too .

Money comes and goes , I'd rather have true love then wealth .

I know not to sit and wait for love to find me , but when I have the chance to blind date and online date at least I will know love will come from it .

This reassures me that a promise ring will come from it , thats what I want .

Engagement rings are taken too lightly and way to common and even dreaded by some males but a promise ring comes from the heart . It something he doesn't traditionaly have to do but does it because he wants to .

It shows me that he holds me closest before any other woman to be his future life mate . It also shows me that he chose this without feeling obligated .
A life mate should be taken seriously , and even if he wasn't able to commit at the time , a promise ring will always make me wait , it's one of the fastest ways to win my heart .
because it's something he thought of before planning out the engagement ring .
That right there is the sweetest and most meaningful date , I hope someday a guy thinks of a promise ring before thinking of an engagement ring when he thinks of me .
It will be then I will know I've found true love for my future even if we aren't even inlove but one more step closer then before .
Men don't give promise rings anymore to their future brides ( or future life mates ) it seems , this will make it even more valuable and meaningful if he does, who ever he maybe .

Here's my new labels for one of my
" Mens " collection on rejuvenating body lotion with pheromones .

8:10 p.m. - 2012-01-13
**FRiDaY **ThE** ThiRTEenTh**
Remember those silly lookin knomb faces with long big noses that sat on book shelves and were popular in the 80's , maybe you don't . I'm already 40 for most of you who read this you were probably born sometime in the 80's .
I grew up as a teenager in the 80's , therefore I remember those silly knombs .
I thought of them today right after I left the Dentist " Kill Joy's " is what I used to call them because of their name , I'm pretty sure they were called " Kill Roy's " . When I was a young teenager , I thought why would they want to kill anyone at all ( I guess I was too young to understand the meaning or metaphor ) .

Not because I have cavities , I already knew that , you can't see them , my teeth look pearly and healthy , according to the Dentist , she said they weren't.
She also gave me my bill to fix all my cavities , fix my back molar partial and add a crown . The four teeth that are ALWAYS in healthy condition is my 4 K/9's or 4 vampire teeth , the dentist saw humor in this . She told me that I've had work on every single tooth according to the xrays exception for my 4 K/9's and thought it was interestingly funny .

I told I'm not going to pay this high bill to fix my teeth , pull them and give me full dentures .

She stood up and told me she will not do this and to find another Dentist if that's what I want . She also told me everyone who comes to her who needs alot of work done and even those who don't request her to pull their teeth to prepare for full dentures . She said some Dentist will and some wont .

I told her that's not fair to reject someones request for this because of several facts . The economy to start with , second most people don't have good dental insurance plans , and third the pain and suffering some have to go through with their teeth , I am one of them .

I will never go through that type of torture again with the infection that Dilantin ( a prescription drug given to Epileptic patents when everything else fails to work ) . She stopped in her tracks and told me to back up about the Dilantin . She asked me how long and how high of a dose I took and when I stopped taking the drug .

I told her I stopped taking it in 2006 and I was taking unsupervised high levels of doses for one year and high doses for 4 years . My doctor was ill that year and did not scheduled blood tests it was the hospital that informed me of my fatally toxic levels of Dilantin .

the Dentist told me that I could be doing dental work for the rest of my life and that maybe dentures would be best because of the Dilantin damage that is still attacking . I wanted be sure it just wasn't all the candy I eat , she said that could do it but this type of damage looks more like a medication toxin and one that I discontinued in the past ( Dilantin ).
She explained that at the rate of the destruction from Dilantin and teeth ,
by now I wouldn't have teeth if I had stayed on the Dilantin , not even my K/9's but even if I had those that would be pointless to keep .
She advised me to hold off on dentures for as long as I can and to invest in keeping my real teeth for as long as I can because she believes I can win over the Dilantin and I may even be 100 with some real teeth of mine .

I will add my dental procedures to my fiances as a regular bill of mine and keep all receipts for taxes ...ect .

One of my questions I'm going to ask God when I meet him someday is why teeth go bad if we need them I can't ask him why they are so painful and why are they so darn painful when they do go bad .

Dilantin sucks , for anyone who had Epilepsy do everything you can to avoid Dilantin .
Not only will you most likely loose all or most of your teeth at a fast rate and a slower rate if you stop the Dilantin but it also causes severe gum infections .

There are better Epileptic prescriptions that don't attach your teeth and if they do I'm sure it's not as bad as Dilantin can .

It's notorious for gum and tooth destruction and by now they have it as a warning . I was in the process of a lawsuit against them but because of I could not wait and had to take the offer from my parents to help

which was between $ 5, 000 and $ 10,000 when all work was completed in 2008 . I would have had to waited to fix them in order to up my chances in winning the law suit .

I chose right by dropping the law suit to have my parent help me . I wanted them to put warnings on the prescription forms and to warn the patent before purchasing .

Maybe they listened, maybe a scare is what they needed .

I wouldn't want my name behind a product that destroyed someones health if I knew for a fact it could and at a fast rate .
I'd sell something else or at least warn them first that it could have such potential side effects .

Then again if I had won in the law suit maybe I'd win enough for implants ! They are now less then $ 7,000
Those never come out , you'd be buried with them .
My other Dentist told me most of the Hollywood stars have teeth implants instead of the own teeth . He would know because he knows some dentists out there who do them .

Anyways my plan was to get them all pulled , slap dentures on them and save up for implants . The dentist told that's what most people want when they request her to pull them all for dentures .

She said bad things about the dentures but had only one bad advice regarding implants and that they are expensive and great if you can afford them .

They'll ruin this too to make money and make the implant teeth breakable so you'll come back to have another screwed in to the implant and offer a stronger tooth at an expensive rate .

Sometimes some people can suck .

The ones who suck , take a good product and add a defect in there to shorten the life , happily offer another , and at a very high price .

*****
About Friday the 13th

P.S. I should have scheduled my dentist appointment latter but I had to wait 2 months for this one .

Friday The 13th a good day for our family . My Grandma who is now in heaven was born on a Friday the 13th and she's Irish
but descended from a Scottish King .

* I used to always have slumber parties as a pre teen and young teenager every Friday the Thirteenth, . While my sisters shrugged their shoulders , they just didn't get it . My mom gets me though , she's probably the only one in this world besides a few others who get me . My mom always said I was the strange one out of all three girls but not scary like my sisters always described me , just very colorful and creative . For my dolls I referred rubber; skeletons and bats . My favorite holiday was halloween , until my ex husband's mother brain traumatized me by telling me I'd go to hell for favoring such a holiday . Did I say I favored demons ? There's a world of difference between hell raising demons and scary creatures . Even God creates scary creatures , and to do his work . Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire and monster with monster . I pretty sure God gets me , ( I hope ) .

*I started my first period on the night of this night when I was 13 . It was at my best friend Kimberly's house while her brother had a all teenage boy slumber party .
Her mother was a RN , she read me the book called " The Birds & The Bee's " while the boys hung outside of the door laughing ( pretty immature) . I wanted to crawl under a rock , I had very little information about periods before that night .
She called my mother that night to inform her and when I came home my ENTIRE Family greeted me at my front door !

I could here them behind the front door telling each other to act natural and unexcited .
My oldest sister celebrated that I was now like her a young woman and hopefully done with my Tom Boy style ( NOT )
Why they made such a big deal is beyond me but they did .

P.S.S
My business is picking up , I haven't made much profit because of all the Over Head Expenses just to keep it running . The ingredients is extremely expensive , and the store takes many pretty pennies . Someday it will all be worth the expense of running it and pay off by profiting more from it . As for liking what I do , I love it even if I make little from it .

11:23 p.m. - 2012-01-06
Present to Past
So far this year has been good though but far from perfect which is fine with me . I wouldn't want a perfect year but perfect days would be ok with me .

My oldest daughter kind of had a rough start to the new year . She already has a whole in her ankle bone and fell at a grocery store . I wasn't there , she was with her Dad who fears court . That may hurt her case if she decides to sue . I'm not in favor of suing unless it's absolutely necessary , hopefully it's not . She'll be getting legal advice anyways which is good , just incase her fracture becomes worse . Apparently a sign was on the floor being passed up by on walkers who did not notice it along with my daughter . She slipped on the sign and fell right on her fracture though she can walk and still walks , which hopefully doesn't change . She only walks because with her weight , using crutches is very difficult . Right after they notified a store clerk and the manager was sent out another sign fell right in front of him . He accepted fault and told her someone from that store would call today . No one called though they called the her Dad who hates court , good thing she doesn't live with him . If she needed him for this it would make it worse having to depend on him for support .
I went down to the store with her today and asked them what doctor they wanted to send her to , they told us it could be our choice .
I told her if no damages done ( we see the doctor tomorrow ) not to seek any law suits . But if it requires further treatment such as surgery to her already fractured leg I don't know what she will decide . Law suits can bring negative karma , we have to be very careful with this . I'v already turned 2 probably winning law suits cases down though I had to sue a long time ago when I was hit in a car accident on the job . I didn't sue for much and won ( actually my lawyer won ) and to win the first case for Colorado in regards to " The Statue Of Limitation " Myers VS Moar " . I actually won more but that would have meant taking money from a young boy who at that time was also my age and to take from him for years . I declined suing him personally but sued the insurance company for uninsured claims, though they would turn around and collect a portion from him but like a credit card vs a personal law suit that was won against him . His parents were rich but they weren't the ones who hit me so why should I sue them by making their son pay . I knew they would have probably have paid his portion but instead I walked away from that opportunity . My lawyer told me he agreed with my decision and that it's better to have a heart . Anyways I've gained almost all my limitations back . I had head injuries with this and suffered from migraines and cluster head aches from it for years . But this too has gotten better and thats worth more then money ! Migraines can be torturous . I used to have them as a young child though they were different from the head injuries . As a child my migraines left me having to miss two years of school with countless medical testing . Which diagnosed me with being completely fine in the end average to above average in intelligence but a abnormal sleep patterns . My migraines were almost always accompanied with severe bloody noses that put me in the ER sometimes over the loss of blood .
Those memories are something I seemed to have forgotten , I can't recall to much during those two years .

Because I missed almost two years of school my parents challened the school to put me into a Special Ed class . That kind of sucked , I thought but when I found out all the types of activities I could do , I was on program . It took two years to catch up and some begging to stay for three years but surely by the third year they kicked me out . By my sixth grade year I was advanced in every class , not fun . That requires studying , homework , and reading boring topics . So I tried pacing myself to average , and that worked . But if I could do it all over again I would have called myself an idiot for not applying myself better in academics . Though I can't say I never didn't try . My senior year I won the Spelling Bee for the females in our school but lost to the boys . Girls can be really harsh to loosing , they were understanding nor compassionate to my loss and sore losers , though the boys probably would have done the same if he had lost to me .

I went from the present to the past .

2:48 a.m. - 2012-01-02
Happy 2012 !
For New Years Eve I watched movies with two of my adult kids and fell asleep during the
movie to awake in time to bring in 2012 , actually my oldest daughter woke me . ( I never before had fallen asleep early on New Years Eve
but I had a reason this time inwhich I'll explain soon . Anyways my daughter awoke me in time to eat 12 grapes that I had baught that night with her as my son had already
had gone to bed . Then we toasted with some champain as time struck midnight . Like always I called my sister and her family
in Nebraska and celebrated the New Year over the phone with her , her husband , her parent n laws , sister n law , neice and my daughter Sam .
After that I descided to watch City Of Angels ( I rarely cry , but that movie left me in tears ) .
I then fell asleep and aoke in mid morning of New Years Day . It was then that set the next events from the day before into motion .
You can look at it from both sides , some could say I was lucky , others may disagree .
Again I'm getting ahead of myself .

For New Years Day I made black eyed pea stew , held back from taking the trash out and washed no laundry .
However I guess you could say I was lucky today as the first day of 2012 ,
or some may see it differently .I descided yesterday that I was going to color my roots today especially when my pigment is fried
, it may take some time to grow my color back again.Then I hestitated and thought of the allergy I had last time I used a perminant color .
I then thought it would be better to hold off to do a allergy spot test on my inner fold of my arm .
I didn't know it last night that when I fell asleep early on New Years Eve that a severe allergic reaction was setting in , in my arm from the spot testing .
This morning when I awoke my arm was on fire with pain , red and beginning to blister . Gradually even after taking Benedril the allergy progressed .

This evening after my son and I went to church my arm was looking distortedly swollen , it would even move under my skin like a water bed .
My adult kids instisted I call " Ask A Nurse or to go to the ER " all I wanted to do was sleep , so they forced me to call .
When I was connected to a nurse she came to a conclusion she wasn't compfortable with my symptoms and insisted I go to the ER immidiatly , my son drove me .
The same doctor who treated me for my last allergic reaction was there tonight and my Doctor again ( what are the odds of this ? ) anyways pretty weird .
She took one look at me arm and said that it was a sign of a severe allergic reaction and
ordered me not to use that type of hair color brand or anything simular to it forever . She said to go to a salon specialist for allergies and to color my hair back to my natural color
if I'm going to color it this way I'm not exposed to such potent hair colors but couldn't do this for weeks to months . She advised me to wear a wig until my hair color heals back and grows out .
But emphasize it could be a grave mistake if I continued coloring my hair with the products that have reacted this way when she had seen me in the ER both times .
She explained that the degree of allergy has progressed to a life threatening warning signs and forbidded me to color my hair any more and that she's recording this in the medical records .
Aslo to note the severty of allergy to hair color that I have now .
For some strange reason my body is fine with the allergy testings and colorings with wash out colors but then again the color fades with in a week . She's not compfortable with these either because of the constant use I'd expose my self to .

I thought some how I could stay with dark hair but it's as good as written in
stone that I shall be a have a my natural hair color once again and stay this way , hopefully . First I have to heal from all the hair coloring and the damages it has done .

Then again who knows what my hair color will become , I have many tones in my real natural hair color .
I was born with red hair , by the age of 3 my hair was almost a whitish blond , to darken over the years into a redish , blond brunett that marbelisez with gold tones .
I was lucky to have hair like that and had to fry it with perms tunring it to a ugyly dirty dish water blond . Hopefully I'll get my marbelized hair color back that I used to have before 2007 and perming it .
Actually I'll be lucky having any color at all and happy to settle for even a dirty dish water blond .
Guess I better look into wigs now for a while . Hopefully I wont have to cut my hair , I worked at growing it very long . Before I allowed my youngest daughter to trim it , my hair tips reached my hip line , I hope to grow it back soon .
Thought it wont matter since I'll be hiding it . Maybe I'll hide my hair until my color grows out long , this could take along time , hopefully not .

I feel that I'm lucky
and thankful that I found out how severe the allergy is before I applied it to stay
for a while and in earas you wouldn't want a allergy in , like your neck , which it always effects when I color my hair .

9:33 p.m. - 2011-12-31
Happy 2012 !
Theres a phenomenon in superstitions and old wives tales and as strange as they are ,
many people believe them to be true some .
I'm like a Kalidoscope when it comes to blood lines, I have many haritages in me inwhich
some are unknown or the truth was covered up do to family secrets that have become skeletons in the family
bloodline closet and buried forever . I have I have a few true stories to share in regarding superstions and my thoughts about them .

Both my Grandfathers have no past that can be traced back entirely , even within the past 100 years as if our family never exsisted but had .

Even if I wanted to know the trueth about my whole family it would be impossible to find out because of the lack of information recording through history or destroyed through history .
So far I know I'm mainly Irish , thick with Dutch ( my Grandmother was full Dutch ) & German .
On one of my Grandmothers side the Sheridans , my neice was named after them .
Through study and hidden information I've also been told we were Scottish before one of our Grandfathers was forced to move to Ireland long ago .
He was The King of Scottland until he was forced by unknown reasons to Ireland which then turned our once royal bloodline into a bloodline of hardship and poverty in the new country of Ireland , it was as almsot as if he was banished from Scottland and during his Kingship as the rumor goes .

Other strong possibilites but mysteries in my bloodline has shown I have Native American Ind
ian, Spanish , and possibity of Portariqin and African American ( much of my family has jet black kinky spiraled hair on my Grandfathers side and his side is more darker complicted .

This next story is about my kid's Great Grandfather on their Dad's side . It went something like this :
It was said that if you shot a white deer , you'd be dead with in a year .
He shot a white deer , possibly on Indian land or that an Indian told his wife at
some point of this superstition . With in the year of shotting that white dear he had died from a virus or some sudden struck of illness . I'm not sure if there was anything he could
have done to undue the curse , but possible as there is usually a doorway out on most curses
to be reversed . He left his wife and three young daughters all aging from 0 to 5 years of age . Even after this , their Grandmother still does not beleive in superstitions and felt it was a coincidance , maybe .

My thoughts are that usually stories can get twisted and turned around . Also I doubt he would have shot the white deer if he had known it was pure white , maybe he couldn't see in distance of the color and maybe they were in need of food .
I have to agree with their Grandmother , then again maybe the deer knew his fate and came to warn him of a future fate , they only come to warn if their fate can be changed .

I've also heard of stories were someone was so sure they were doomed for some reason on some certian date to make it through as if it were nothing to worry about .

I beleive their are omens , blessings , good luck and curses . I also beleive you can give them power either by fear or staying positive no matter what happens .
Sometimes it was something that was just meant to be rather it's good or bad .
But , remember all curses can be distroyed some how, some way , but always nothing God can't destroy him self . Sometimes he only wants us to have faith even if the worse happens .
Thats one of the things I don't understand about God , sometimes he allows bad things to happen to good people and to know there are still rainbows for them .

But, lets focus on the positive because everyone could use a bucket of goodluck ! no matter who you are .

So if you want good luck for the year of 2012
eat a bowl or Black eyed pea soup . I'm making enough to fill a bucket , I need all the luck I can get .
Rather then being selfish I'm going to share some to anyone who asks or impose on my neighbors and remind them it's a bowl of luck .
So far I have one of my neighbors who's also my friend who's requesting a bowl . I also have some neighbors who would rather take their chance then to eat black eyed pea soup .
To each his own .
My daughter refuses to eat it , I don't know why , I like it .
My whole family makes it every new years day but we haven't always did this . It's an Irish thing and even though were Irish we hadn't always known about this bowl of luck .

Here's more

In Scottland :

Bringing Coal ; taking a peice of coal when first footing at new year brings in good luck .

To draw blood
To ‘draw blood’ is practiced in fishing villages on the northeast coast of Scotland under the belief that success follows. This act must be performed on New Year’s Day, and the good fortune is his only who is the first to shed blood.
( kind of barbic )

Heres something Enetersting :

Well it is another superstition and I don't even know why we do it. My parents are from Cuba and every year before 12 midnight we have to eat 12 grapes and I believe to make a wish on each grape that's what I believe but I'm not sure. I would love to know if anyone else does this and why. I asked my mother and she can't remember why, she is 80 so that is no help, but our family still does it every year. Weird or not.

More On Eating 12 Grapes
I would just like to comment on your superstitious behavior/tradition of eating twelve grapes before midnight on New Year's eve. I have a friend who does this, and naturally we all made fun of her but asked her why she had to do this. She told us that eating twelve grapes before midnight was something her parents did and it was for good health in the next year. Melissa

Yes, I have also been taught by my former Boss to eat 12 grapes. They are for the 12 months of the year for prosperity in all areas of life. Marie

A very happy New Year, I would like to answer to the superstition to eat 12 grapes, one to each of the last 12 seconds before the old year is over with a blessing in your mind or a wish while eating quickly each grape. This is tradition in Spain and therefore came to Cuba and other lands of spanish language. Having in mind that grapes give good energy, I seem it fit, but more than one person has been having trouble swallowing that quick, so they sell skin and seedless grapes, counted in tins or plastic champagne glasses, by now in Spain. As for me, I prefer to embrace my beloved ones, close my eyes and make my wishes and blessings and eat the grapes later

Oh, and do not wash any clothes on New Years day , it's said you could be washing for the dead by the end of the year .
Also , don't take out the trash it can bring in bad luck .

P.S. Before I knew all this I'm sure I did it all . So don't worry if you forgot or didn't know .

Happy 2012 !

May 2012 be a year of blessings for you and your loved ones .

11:17 a.m. - 2011-12-23
The Perfect Kiss Under MoonFlowers At Midnight
12/26/11
12/27/11

Moments after Midnight

I don't know what it's about , but theres something about winter , especially in January that triggers sounds that can't be seen . Last year I could hear a helicopter above me or somewhere in my atmosphere , a train , and flying machines and now it's the train is starting up . Maybe I'm crazy , who knows : I ?
The sound of the train led me into this next dream that seemed more real then ever before . So real I tried convincing him how difficult this was becoming to believe in my dreams when theres no proof around me but I made a promise that I'd try and so I will but I'm still dating because believing and seeing are still only illusions until those illusions can be touched and so he touched me and that still is not enough . I don't need proof , I made a promise and I believe but believing in fairy tales just produce a story , it's not real at least not our story . But I will tell and the only way I know how to is on here as requested ( to tell the story of us ) .

Midnight of 12/26 breaking into the new day of 12/27/11

We stood under white flowers that looked closest to white moon flowers , only they were tall like sunflowers, we stood in the light of bright light ,somewhere in a beautiful place like earth, somewhere unknown . I leaned forward and touched his face to kiss him and he kissed me back , it was the perfect kiss .

Then Blank , we forgot each other and became strangers as we are now .

**************************************
I thought maybe Bright Eyes was him but then again who is Bright Eyes , I thought Rolf was Bright Eyes , and then I thought my neighbor was Rolf at times , can you blame me for getting confused . I don't know who I'm supposed to look for , his identity was removed from my mind because of the test . I don't know how important the test is and what it means . I do know who he may be because in this test he remembered me and came to get me to remind me again , why I dream of him .
I don't know who he used to be or where we met but it was not on earth , earth couldn't compare to the beauty of this place .

So I will call it Heaven , we met in heaven but then that would mean we have soul mates after all . If that is true I look different to him though I resemble who I used to look like . But if it were heaven then why would I be tested like this and why would it be so difficult . I can't will someone to want me back so there is either a mistake in identities or he which ever he is failed . This is why I don't think I met him in heaven but maybe perhaps somewhere dreams go , at least I know sometimes dreams go to beautiful places that look heavenly and feel like earth but the best of earth . When I realized all this I stepped back in my dream and tried to correct the broken puzzle to see what was missing or who I was supposed to have met . But I could not figure this out either , I wondered why he had forgotten me so easily , my answerer was that maybe because earth can suck .

I was then back here where I am and knew my surroundings and the situation at the same time knowing all of this . Clearly infront of me he was a stranger we had truly forgotten each other for a while , it doesn't make me better that I remembered , and my answer to him on why I did , maybe should have stayed in the closet were some secrets belong as my Grandmother tried to tell me long ago right after she passed away in a wedding dream of her giving me away but showing me that some secrets are best kept as skeletons in the closet . I obeyed her sort of , I told him some of the truth because when I told he he didn't believe me or didn't question it , therefore I didn't have to go further or I didn't have to stay silent , that way it worked out too . I'm jumping ahead so I'll slow down and describe how it happened

I was in a situation that led me to a door way to him or forced me to his door way . I was very uncomfortable because I knew he did not like me and expected him to answer me in anger , I tired to run but my feet wouldn't move . My feet were stuck in the ground like glue so there I was stuck at his door ( my neighbor ) . I tried to wake up but that didn't work either , it really , really SUCKED . If there was a rock and if my feet could get loose I'd be under it but instead it was just me , right at his door awaiting for it to open and knowing it would . As those thoughts spiraled in my my mind my fears grew bigger and bigger of him , what would I say to my situation being stuck here . He couldn't see the glue that held my feet to the ground in front of him , therefor I had to come up with something clever and so I did . I thought of a car , then my car was somehow in his yard and that's how it got me through . Right before he opened his door , his door turned into a wall window but he couldn't see me though I could see him . I also could see a Christmas tree all decorated and brightly lit up in his house ( I thought it was pretty , I liked it ) . Then my train of thought bounced back from liking his tree to him approaching the window and turning back into his door . He opened his door and saw my car in his yard and tried not to laugh at my sight . He knew what else could I do , I'd have to explain why my car was in his yard . He told me there was no need to explain and laughed and helped me get my car out of his yard . Then he asked me out on a date , I said " ok " . Thats all I could say , I was shocked on how easy that was and petrified of his presence , he is intimating .

I know in real life it wouldn't be this easy , most likely he has someone else therefore I'm to also have someone else , this is probably why it's not coming to pass then again maybe it's a series of dreams that are only dreams .

But I'll continue , theres more .

Before we went out on a date we were at our daughters school , though I don't know why , I was following him , something about parent teacher conferences " Oh , opps I forgot to check my email in real life to go , Lisa tries to hide all information on parent teacher conferences , she doesn't like me knowing what the teachers have to say about her . Therefore I will try harder to go next time so I know how she's doing in school besides believing her . "
Anyways it appeared we were at parent teacher conferences . We had already arranged a date and talking as friends but only as friends . It was as almost as if friendship would be the end result and I accepted this and looked forward to moving on to meeting a man who would make a good husband for me because thats what I want . Our relationship was based on friendship at this point ,though I had his baby without having sex with him and he knew this but wasn't shocked , as if we accepted the baby I carried , it was a new born (This is symbolic for something) . At the same time I held no jealousy to the women he liked nor to all the women who liked him , he couldn't understand this . I asked him why should it bother me that women want him or that he likes other women . He reapplied that it should bother me . That only confused me even more , I was under the impression we were just friends and dating and I was happy with this but he wasn't . So then I asked him if this bothers you so much then why do you date other women and not me . He looked surprised at me forwardness and dumbfounded , he walked off alone . I allowed him some space while I went on to the next room to hear what the next teacher had to say . We met up at some stairs , he asked me why I say what I say and how I know things . I replied I haven't shared anything with him that he doesn't already know so why question me . We weren't arguing but he wanted to know , I didn't question why he asked these things because maybe he has ESP like my dreams . Then to answer his question was even a surprise to me , as I answered it I thought of my Grandmothers vision of the skeleton in the closet . He asked me how I knew things and how I knew him so well , I thought of my family line who descended from a blood line with certain gifts ( I thought of my Grandmother and her advice ) . He asked me you have what ? I said in response I have a very long story in my blood line that has secrets that have not been revealed , not even to me but I have gifts , and dreams is one of my gifts . He then said " and...? , " I told him maybe I've seen him in my dreams , maybe I know things but it doesn't mean its what will be . What if's can have power but there only a gimps of what can be . I thought of the movie the Family Man and knew that was my answer . So I said " I've seen us and what we can be and I liked it thats all " he smiled back and we became more then just friends .
Then I began to forget and blank .
and reality became stronger . I still remembered the moon flower and the kiss and he then claimed me as his .

He wanted me to feel bothered that he see's other women and is why he made me his , so that I would feel bothered about his past . Typical guy .

I woke up then

This doesn't mean he's the one though because I've also seen how me and Rolf can be though we never kissed , or maybe I forgot . If I forgot , this doesn't define my love for him . A kiss is wonderful but love is better . I love Rolf and my neighbor in my dreams and still love Rolf in reality because I know him better . I've loved my neighbor in my dreams and could love him in reality if thats what he wanted and I knew him in reality.
I guess I'm lucky , because I've fallen inlove with two different men in my dreams , and I don't have to choose between them , because they don't love me back and I can move on to love someone who will love me back .

I'm not upset that my dreams either of them can not be my reality, I'm used to waking up to reality everyday .

*************************************

Symbols

The Color White = Purity, a washout, a clean slate, or a blank feeling. ( forgetting )
I'd say this is kind of strange .

White Looking Moon flower =
* Beauty or femininity
* Producing or creating
* Life force or life cycle
A healthy flower might represent vitality within you or a certain aspect of your life.

The Smell Of Honey Suckle With The Type Of Moon flowers Appearance : =
Honey : The deep, rich sweetness of life—enjoy life!
A sweet reward resulting from hard work

Illumination (light) Light : = A light or bright light can represent:
Hope, goodness, or assistance—especially when it appears in the darkness
Clarity or understanding, as in "shedding some light" on a particular subject

A Feeling Of Happiness : = Feeling
Feelings in dreams often represent themselves, although the subconscious mind may be exaggerating them in the dream. For instance, if you are feeling angry or happy during a dream, you are likely truly angry or happy about what's happening in the dream—and also about what it represents in real life.

The feelings of people other than yourself in your dream can represent feelings you're imagining, expecting, or fearing—especially when the person is someone you know in real life.

Touch : = touching

The meaning of touching depends on the type and context of the contact. For example:

A caress might represent caring, affection, compassion, or reassurance
A touch or tap can represent an alert, reminder, or attempt to get the attention of someone

Kiss (Romantic) : =
Romantic kissing or other interaction can represent:
Emotional intimacy (emotional trust and openness), interaction, or a feeling of closeness with someone
A replay of when you felt close to someone
Liking the person or wanting to know them better—and not necessarily romantically!

House : =
A house, apartment, flat, or any place of residence often represents you or your life, even if the dream residence does not resemble your actual residence. The events in the dream residence may represent events in your life. A house can also represent security, comfort, protection, familiarity, or belonging.

Also consider the mood and condition of the house (a dreary house might represent depression or sadness, a house with missing windows might represent personal boundary issues, etc.) and anything that particularly stands out about the house.

Colors Coming In , In Dream : =

Color

Can represent moods, feelings, or a sense about the object or situation where the color appears.

Colors that stand out (not just the various colors of the dream setting) can be very important symbols. For instance, a person wearing all black can mean your subconscious is portraying them as sad or mourning a loss, or as very formal in their manner or style.

Consider also the hue and brightness of the color. For example, a bright green could represent something different from a drab green, or a pastel green. See also the specific color name.

Window

Your view of the world around you, or how you view or perceive people, events, and situations in your life.

Being in a house full of windows can mean you are feeling very open to the world around you, or perhaps feeling vulnerable or exposed.
What about being outside of a house with a large window ( probably the same )

Door : = door or entrance

A door, gate, portal, etc. can represent a passage or transition from one area of space or time to another. It can represent:

A new beginning or a transition from one phase to another in your life
An entrance to a different reality, such as "the other side," heaven (as in wishing you could visit a loved one who has passed on), or an imaginary place of comfort
A dream cue to indicate passing from one setting, context, or timeframe in the dream story

A door inside a house might represent transitioning between areas of your life (work life, family, etc.), and a house's front door might represent the boundary between your personal life and your public life.

A door that offers access, such as a door on a refrigerator or a safe, could represent the idea of access or permission to access something (an area, a person, certain information, money, other resources, etc.) in your real life.

Window agian

Rainbow Colors from the Christmas Tree Lights : =

Christmas Tree : =
Christmas tree

An actual Christmas tree (one you've seen or one you'd like to see or have)
Feeling connected with the "spirit of Christmas"
Looking forward to holiday festivities
Christmas time (past, present, or imagined)
............"Pretty good interpretations , I'm impressed . Dreams are imaginary therefore they aren't the past nor present and I thought of a car as an excuse why I'd be at his door . "

Doorbell : =

Hearing a doorbell in your dream can mean:

You're thinking about or wishing for an opportunity, or someone or something new in your life

You feel someone wants something from you or wants to cross your mental / emotional boundaries (represented by coming into the house in the dream)

You're feeling someone or something is after you, or perhaps they mean to hold you to your responsibilities

You're remembering or imagining someone approaching you to talk or interact in some way

Car : = Automobile
The means by which you move forward in your life, the context within which you grow personally and learn your life lessons
Your personal integrity and the "sum of all our parts" (our knowledge, intentions, abilities, etc.) at the time of the dream

Window :

Door :

Christmas Tree : =

And Door Again

............" My dream is reallly emphasizing windows and doors "

Car again

Interacting ( communicating ) : =
communication

Feeling that something that needs to be said, clarified, or expressed—or something that someone else needs to hear or understand
The need to be heard
The way the communicator in the dream tends to interact with others (for example, a loud, persistent talker could represent someone who tends to be disrespectful of others)
An actual communication from your past

Also pay attention to the dynamics between the communicator and the listener or reader.

........"We talked about my car and laughed

Car again ( he helped me with my car , because he had to , it was in his yard .

Interacting ( communicating ) : =
communication

"He asked me out on a date ( deffinatly imaginary ) "

School : =
Your actual school
The period in your life when you went to the school that appears in your dream
The idea that you are learning or being presented with lessons in your real life
My daughter's school

Gray
The color gray can represent neutrality, gloominess, drabness, dullness, or lifelessness (the opposite of vividness).
"I used to go to the same school . I also fealt the reality setting in . "

Black and White

Dreaming about something in black and white can mean you feel that it has no "color," no life, no vitality—or that it feels dreary, hopeless, or cold. Dreaming in extra-sharp black and white can represent the idea of over-clarification, logical over-thinking, or feeling the victim of someone else's logical decision (perhaps even lacking compassion).

Blue : =
blue
"Royalty or distinction, honesty or sincerity (as in "true blue"), average or "regular" (as in "blue jeans" or "blue collar"), relaxation, or spirituality."

Questions
We asked each other questions .
Asking a question can mean you're trying to get guidance, understand something, find information, or solve a problem in real life.

Someone else asking you a question mean you feel someone's trying to understand or get something from you—information or otherwise—in real life.

Being interrogated can mean you're feeling taken advantage of or intruded upon for the benefit of someone else somehow in your life.

White Color : =
Purity, a washout, a clean slate, or a blank feeling.

Baby : = A baby or baby-related items can represent the need for self-nurturing, or responsibility for yourself or others.
Dreaming that you are pregnant or that you have a baby you don't have in real life can mean:
You could benefit from paying more attention to your own needs, especially those of your inner child
Taking on responsibility for someone else or taking on too much responsibility
You are contemplating having a baby or spending time around young children

Most of the dream was in Blue :

Teachers that I've never met before : =
Dreaming that someone is a teacher when they are not in real life can mean that, to you, they represent:
An authority figure—someone or something in your real life who you allow to have some power over you in some way
Someone whose opinions or advice you listen to
Someone who has taught you something in real life, or whom you would like to do so

He did not like that I wasn't upset that he saw other girls nor that other girls liked him .
He was worried that I didn't like him . I explained he wasn't mine , therefore , why should I feel upset .

Then he claimed me as his girlfriend and I woke up . He said " your my girlfriend it should bother you , you should feel something ". He wanted me to feel and I did .
Thats when I woke up

12:00 a.m. - 2011-12-22
-
12/25/11

It's the eve of Christmas , not Christmas eve . For Christmas Eve , I have a ritual of going to Saint John's Catholic Church with my parents , older sister sometimes her husband and their two daughters, I'm usually late so I sneak in and sit in the back , I like sitting where theres no crowd . Then I go again to Life Bridge church for the late service with (a former mother in law of mine and my kid's Grandmother , I've been married twice and divorced twice ). We get out past midnight , I love that service . Today my daughters and I hitched a ride with my parents to Loveland to spend Christmas with my older sister's family . We had a good time up there though I do enjoy Thanksgiving just as much when it's usually just me , my self & I + Karamia , atleast it was that way last year . This year I spent it with my 1st exhusband , his mother ( the same mother n law I got to Christmas Eve service with) , and my kids ( my oldest daughter is 22 , my son is now 18 , and my youngest daughter is turning 16 on Feb 2nd ( Ground Hog's Day ) ) . I called my younger sister who's 9 mnths younger then I am and her family , I purposely waited til night time to call her since I knew what was in store for her and her husband especially this morning and pretty much the rest of the day with two young children ages 5 and 2 , a mad house . When I called her tonight my thoughts were true but still going , even past 9 pm . My sister has her hands full , her son is naturally nocturnal , she said she'd kill me
for this , having the one thing that took after myself out of all traits ,
if her husband wasn't also nocturnal , not that it's not our fault that we are who we are , my Dad is the same way . Her son has ben nocturnal since his new born stages . His sister is beginning to develop nocturnally because of habits though not natural .
I also called my Aunt and Uncle today , their good friends with Jay Lino and some other movie stars, it helps that their daughter works directly with the President and her husband is good friends with many of the stars . This is how they became such good friends with a few of them . I never ask to met them ,that too is out of my nature nor do I ever ask for money though my sister would if she had the opportunity too , their very much loaded . I've never asked for a penny from them nor from my family who owns some of our city streets... ect and a bit selfish with there money ,( to each his own ). I'm sure they wouldn't
offer the help if I needed it , that right their seals the doors from asking though my sister encourages me too . I know my Aunt and Uncle would help us because they have in the past but , I'll still never ask them because I cherish their friendships more then money . Money comes and goes but relationships don't .

updates on the stars , tactfully I didn't ask . My sister hoped I'd tactfully ask since I am the one who's closest to them . They tried mentoring my son , but my son is as stubborn as they come , some have to learn the hard way , hopefully he's beginning to see the light of things , I'm speaking in terms of drug use , though he's monitored by the courts sometimes he finds hidden door ways through .

Anyways my ship is coming in ( positive thinking ) , my sells are up but then again so is all the over head expenses . I'm not profiting yet but soon I will if it keeps going the rate it's
going . Though I wont take money from my family I will take advice , I've asked advice with my Aunt and Uncle and my younger sister and her husband since they all ran their own business . My parents want me to slow down to keep my resources the same ( but then I can never get ahead and things like ; car expenses come up , directly speaking my tags will be due next month and my car window is stuck ) . The rest of my family says I can always buy insurance and pay more rent with the section 8 . They say to wait a year to see if my sells become more regular and more stable before reporting , they also know about the laws of owning your own business and that I have rights and to save all receipts that has anything to do with my business from toilet paper ( bathroom breaks to all the ingredients I have to buy , not to mention car repairs , gas and tags because I need the use of my car to ship items out and to buy some of the ingredients . The stores and the percentages that the stores take out is all adding up as well .

My youngest daughter now thinks I should get remarried , thats something I thought I'd never hear from her . She had no reason why , I guess she's ready to share me . So I'll began the dating game soon , I already have a profile one of the dating sites and matches but most of the men want one thing and marriage on the side , shouldn't it be the other way around , I can already til it would be a disaster all over again with men like that . I'm not interested in a play boy for a husband ,most of them are cheaters . If I'm going to be faithful I'm gonna want my husband to see the value in being faithful not a guy who see's marriages as a possibility but something that could be terminated like an employee . Why , I could have gone after Rolf for that but I don't see marriage as he mar see it , another number . Actually I'll give him more credit , he makes a great husband he just wouldn't make a great husband for me , he had his chance to prove him self otherwise and he stood back as if he was never there . Ok, on to the next possible husband whom ever he may be .
I had a dream , and this man I have never seen before , ofcourse I've had dreams of men like this before and maybe they are just dreams but then again maybe they're not . This guy was shy but he was very into me , I like that and so I liked him back and then it developed into something real , then something with a solid ground , and not dreams that remain in the clouds like they did for Rolf and my neighbor . What if's are a significance but they are like water to me . If you place your hand in a river of water and take it back out , is there any trace of the existence that a print was there , no . There is no trace of existence that our prints were ever there except in these writings and in my memories to those who choose to believe in them . I believe but it takes two to make them real and two to make a true imprint . My dream men are only dreams until they make them selves real by coming into my life to stand with me on solid strong ground instead of visions swaying in the night sky where the clouds , stars , planets and moon exists , making them nothing but a story tale for myself sometimes shared . Stories are ok , but autobiographies are better , I want something real ,
not tall tales and thats all Rolf and my neighbor has ever offered me .
Until I meet a man who is real in my life and not in my dreams , then again maybe he will show up in my dreams but that wont impress me . What will impress me is that he has made him self real , something that can be touched physically and not just limited to emotionally , I need more , I want it all , I want a real marriage with everything it has to offer because I deserve it . I make a great wife , there for I should have a good husband so I will be making my self more available , especially knowing my kids are pushing for this and ready .

P.S.
The endoscope showed my completly healthy with out having GERD . He said it's a rare thing but that I must of healed myself .

P.S.S When my ship comes in I'm sharing with others because it's the right thing to do and it could be you that needs the financial help . I'd help a stranger , I'd consider myself lucky and blessed
that I had the funds to help a stranger and still be well to do .
If they were you I'd help you and do so without making you feel anything lesser than what I am, like so many do
. They would be better off not helping at all words can have power .

2:45 a.m. - 2011-12-04
Endoscope , Bravo Testing & Biopsies
Well yesterday was fun I had my Endoscope , Bravo testing for Gerd placed in and Biopsies taken . The doctor said I wouldn't be that sore after ward but he forgot he was taking Biopsies which changed everything , though that alone doesn't slow me down . I woke up 5 minutes after the procedure and was asking to go home , I like the art walk and sometimes the food in the hospital I just don't like being the patent . I called my son to walk over to drive me home and before I knew it I was back home . I took a 3 to 4 hour nap to sleep off the anesthesia and been up since then . Though I haven't lifted anything heavy and I'll rest more . For the Bravo the doctor inserted a capsule with a chip in it to record the acid . In sync with this I have a device that has to be within 3 feet of me that hangs around one shoulder . When ever I get a symptom with Gerd I press the appropriate button . I never usually get these symptoms accept for now since the Biopsy , and the symptoms that led me to the doctor aren't apart of the device though they have forums that specifically talk about these symptoms with breathing problems though I've been feeling better for the last couple of weeks since I've stopped taking one of the medications I was taking and decreasing my pain meds . I have to return the device between 8:00 am and 9:00 am on Wednesday then take a bus with my son to Boulder or drive for his court date . I said I'd be there for him if he needs me in court with him even if he's now 18 . The courts asked me if I'd be there since he still behaves younger then his age . He's court ordered to attend Job Corp and will be off probation next year and ready to go in 2013 . They feel this will be good for him in becoming self sufficient when living apart from me for 4 years or longer if he decides to get his own place . .
Anyways I'm tired , I'll write again latter . P.S. I've been making Making Home Made Soaps while the weather at nights are at freezing and under 0 degrees to mold them in time for Christmas that I'll be giving out as little gifts . I forgot how expensive they were to make . I usually spend about $ 80.00 just to make them . It would have been cheaper to go to the Dollar Tree but exactly as stated , this way I'm giving out high quality gifts . I only like using my homemade soaps on my skin . Every Winter I take advantage of the cold weather to mold me up batches . But this year $ 80.00 didn't seem like alot when it was a request by HUD Housing that I make them soaps for them Christmas . I was on the ball with it as soon as I got money to buy the ingredients along with keeping up with my buisness .

2:38 p.m. - 2011-12-01
Next Formula
To remove or hide dermal scaring .

My next skin care formula I want to make for my buisness and for my self is a formula to remove or hide scars .
I had PLASTIC Surgery to remove a cyst between my forehead and nose and that didn't even hide the scar .
Since 1998 it looks like I a crow line forehead cause of that surgery .
I can't wait to get started !

12:24 p.m. - 2011-12-01
I Wonder ............
It's snowing today , I like snow , I just don't like driving in it . I need to get better tires, guess I'll be saving up for this .

The other dream husband of mine ( my neighbor) just got a small package at his front door , I hope he see's it . He probably will .

Anyways back to work .
I have to prepare for soap making too , but first I'll need to check the thrift shops for a measuring bowl , unless I find mine .

9:51 a.m. - 2011-12-01
BREAKING DAWN
We saw Breaking Dawn last night , it was my favorite just like the first one .
In this Chapter ; Bella and Edward get married and do the impossible . They go into their Honeymoon to have sex for the first time without Bella changing into a vampire . In the book of Twilight vampires can't have sex with humans without making them their victim and end up killing them when sexually aroused . Bella trusted Edward and that he could fight against his temptation to kill her , though trust isn't the issue . Vampires turn monstrous form when sexually aroused and become killers . Edward fought with everything he had not to harm her let alone not to kill her . They ended up having sex twice though he tried to deny her to protect her . With in days after conception Bella carried a full term baby that was unintentionally killing her because of the babies strength and craving for blood . The wolves found out she was almost full term with a baby she had only carried for days and that it was killing her . Their mission was to kill the unborn before she gave birth to it or at the time of birth to protect all life from what they thought was a killing demon . Bella knew her baby was good , but even Edward agreed with the wolves . Jacob came in the picture to protect Bella from his family but agreed she shouldn't carry the bay any longer . They all waited on pins and needles every day , hoping Bella would survive that day . For the most part every day was her death bed as her baby began breaking her ribs by simple kicks . Bella ended up have a C-section by the hands of Edward , his sister and Jacob and no doctor nor pain med's . She died as her baby came into , breaking her spine , and bleeding to death . Jacob forced Edward to change her before it was too late but Edward waited until the baby was completely out as he promised Bella , to save the baby ( I guess the venom would kill the baby , even though the baby was half humane and half vampire , the first of a race to exist, since vampires kill their sex partners unless they are vampires too ) . Not a second latter death would have won as the end result for Bella but was able to receive the venum at the time of death, hours latter Bella came back from the dead a vampire (this showed at the ending of the movie ) . Before they knew Bella would come back from the dead Jacob saw his future in the eyes of their daughter and imprinted to make her his future wife and vowed to protect her as long as he lives . Because he imprinted his life to her the wolves could not harm no matter what . They had not known by then she was good in nature and not evil as they thought she'd be .Until Jacob unites with her and for the first time a vampire and wolf fall in love , Jacob becomes her protector while in her childhood it showed in the vision .

3:36 a.m. - 2011-11-30
Lady K'Marie & more

I forgot to tell about what do in my buisness / store . As you know I do anti aging skin care . I can copy cat just about any product though what I enjoy the most is creating my own products , in which I have . I use mostly Botanical ingredients and even sell them for additives for " Do + it + your + self " remedies in skin care . Not only do I create anti aging / rejuvenating creams , lotions , potions ( serums ) , mists & soaps .

Surprisingly I have requests for my former soaps I used to give out for Christmas . I figured no one wanted them for gifts , so I stopped giving them and and kept them for my self . I know my soaps are good , so it was only for for me . Until this year , now I have back orders for Christmas requests that I make them as gifts . They are expensive to make when you have to re stalk the ingredients . I already did and now waiting on a freezing night . I have to freeze them outside and the night , children aren't out , therefore they wont repetitively beg for a soap . I also dislike saying no to the children around her , they have very little anyways to live here .

Maybe I'll freeze them tonight and maybe do extra batches for the children , then again maybe they could care less . Usually if they see they want unless it's not the only thing they see displayed . I guess I could display candy near the soaps as they freeze in the day , but somehow dealing with angry parents isn't such a thrill , never mind , no candy .

I also create them in formulas to treat skin conditions , injuries , burns , illnesses and what ever some one requests I try to do . In the future I want to research anti cellulite topicals that can burn the fat from underneath the dermis layer as it firms and tones the skin ( in which I can create now ).

My latest creation thats selling better then any of my products are breast enhancers that can enlarge breast up to 3 cup sizes ! .

They also work on men as well , though they'd be gay / trans .
The treatment can work with in the first two weeks but a full six months is needed for desired effects . The effects are lasting the more treatments you go through . As for my self I began with a two full six month treatments but using some one elses product since I knew nothing on how to make them . Until I made my own , in which it took me up from a size C 36 to a D 36 . I originally started at a large B and because I've completed my second course of treatments I'm not a small C without treatment . Though I'll go back on trea